Good Who - Exhibit E

The science is pure baloney.

It has a plot that's rather obviously hacked to pieces and stitched back together.

It's internally inconsistent.

But oh how I do love thee..... "Planet of Giants".

For some reason this story always fascinated me.  From the first snatches I read about it in the pages of Doctor Who Monthly (as it was back then) through to the Target novelisation I always absolutely adored this one.  Then came that day that every fan faces, the opportunity to see it on bootleg video.  The picture wobbled, the sound distorted and there was hiss in every silent moment yet it still lived up to my expectations.  I can't think of a single other Who that managed to do that.  The VHS came out, almost crystal clear picture quality and superb sound and I still adored the story.  2|Entertain have announced they've got the DVD well underway and I'm sure that when I get it I will love it even more.  It's just one of those stories that delights me every time I see it.

I can't quite put my finger on it.  It could be the sets, superbly re-created miniatures that almost match the regular size ones.  It could be the deadly seriousness that the regulars give the dialogue, doubly important as they're almost single handedly carrying the three episodes.  It could be the fantastically English sub plot about insecticide and murder.  It could be all of the above and more rolled into one glorious 75 minute package.  Whatever it is, when I'm feeling down then this is one of the stories I turn to.  By my own criteria I really shouldn't like it but I do.  I love it, I adore it, I want to see modern Who try and do a story this simple but with this much charm because I don't think they could do it. 

Right, the science is complete nonsense and inconsistent but they do try so hard.  They try and make the sounds deep enough to be from giants BUT they do it by slowing the tapes down so that a single gunshot lasts for several seconds.  With digital audio it would be so much easier to redo it and get it spot on but I don't care.  There's the mystery of just exactly how they've been shrunk down (have they lost mass? if not then how does the plug chain support them? if they have then where has their missing mass gone?) and there's the few major cockups between the worlds (the matchbox is in the crazy paving in the small world but on the grass in the large one) but I really don't care. I sit there watching and I'm completely drawn in to the danger and the plotting.  Yes, at the end my brain re-engages and I think "but that's not how it would be!"... then my spirit of fun kicks in and tells my brain to be quiet.  I know that if the seed shrinks down in the final scenes then so should the mud on their faces and they should be left spotless.  I know that Ian shouldn't need to worry about climbing 30 feet down a plug chain he should be able to just jump down into the sink with no ill effects and I know that all the evidence suggests that they should be doing serious damage to every surface they walk across but it just doesn't seem to matter.  It's "Planet of Giants", it's fine, it's allowed.

Episode three does come across as rather hacked around, with good reason of course.  I would kill for the DVD of this to magically find the footage to make it a 4 parter again.  I'd love more of the telephone exchange sluthery.  I want more plugs that jump from sink to work surface.  I want more "I'm going to conveniently tell you how to dispose of my body" moments but I know I won't get them. I know I'll get even better picture quality and even better sound.  I know it means that the giant cat will more obviously be on film, I know I'll see the grass painted on canvas blow around even more. I know I'll see the joins in the set with crystal clarity but it really won't matter. I'll still be in awe of the giant fly that menaces Barbara.  I know I'll still love puzzling over the physics of the plug scene.  I know I'll adore the magic self repairing scanner at the end.

"Planet of Giants" is one of those stories that really can't do any wrong in my mind.  If anyone really wants I'll happily go into detail of how the science is bad and some of the many possible ways to correct it.  I'll happily sit here wishing I had diet breaking quantities of popcorn to treat this like a Sunday morning romp in the style of Flash Gordon and watch as the TARDIS doors swing open in flight, something they've never done before (not since Edge of Destruction anyway).  I will sit there wishing I had a giant model ant in my flat being menaced by a creepy looking giant fly.  When this story comes out on DVD I will love it to pieces more than I have done my VHS.  "Planet of Giants" I salute you, 75 minutes of pure cobblers that I'm so happy survived the purge.  Long may you reign as the height of small scale Who.